Dying A Slow Death

I will give you three guesses as to what this entry is dedicated to. . .

Ever since Season 3 of NXT began, I have been considering just not writing about it anymore in my weekly column over at ProWrestlingPonderings.com. The all-female roster is dreadful. The challenges and obstacle courses make for terrible television. The actual wrestling is no better and the promos are painfully cringe worthy. Worst of all (depending on your point of view I suppose), this ridiculous excuse for a show won't even be on the air shortly. With Smackdown moving back to Syfy at the beginning of October, the network has decided there is no need to keep both shows on board, thus it is dumping NXT in favour of WWE's B-show. You couldn't make up a worst array of reasons not to write about, let alone watch, this crap.

And yet, when I finally forced myself to watch an entire episode of NXT this week, I realised how fascinating it actually is when you break it down. I found there was too much to talk about for my relatively small PWP article. As I said, the show is being pulled from tv and is believed to be moving to an Internet-only format before long. That means only four weeks of a twelve-week season will actually be aired on television, which has essentially lead to near-to-nobody caring about it, including the commentators.

This week's episode began with a recap of the previous week's show, which ended with Michael Cole walking out and just leaving the commentary team, primarily because it was a "joke." From this point on, they were openly admitting that NXT was pure muck. Josh Matthews was alone on the announce desk before he was joined by none other than CM Punk in a tweed jacket, who almost immediately described the show as a "car crash." Pure muck was somehow turned into pure gold momentarily:

The whole thing was incredibly surreal. For the majority of that hour, I couldn't believe I was watching a wrestling show. Yet, for all its craptacular insufferability, it made for great television. I gained far more enjoyment from watching this God awful laughing stock than I ever did watching the usual boring stuff they generally stick on NXT. It would appear that terrible beats mediocre anyday.

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Head over to ProWrestlingPonderings.Com and find my new weekly column, What's Going Down, there each and every Monday morning.

In my brand spanking new column, I'll be giving you the lowdown on the week in WWE on television. I will be covering all three shows -- Raw, Smackdown and NXT -- and giving you my view on where the E are going right and wrong these days.

 Click here to read my first article for the website! 

And don't forget to check out Ryan Rozanski's review of TNA No Surrender as well.

Smackdown! Results And Review (03-09-2010)

Here are the results from this evening's Friday Night Smackdown!:

• 
  
  Alberto Del Rio opens the show with a fiesta in the ring. A recap of his beat-down of Rey Mysterio from the previous week is shown on the titantron and Alberto claims that he is celebrating the "removal of Rey from the WWE." He proposes a toast to himself, because he is "rich.. handsome.. powerful.. I'm everything!" At this point, he is interrupted by Christian, of all people. He jokes that Del Rio is JBL ("Juan Bradshaw Layfield") and Enrique Iglesias. A bit of casual racism never did anyone harm sure. Then Captain Charisma gets serious (is it even possible to take him serious anymore?) and it looks as if a fight is about to ensue. However, Del Rio leaves the ring and says there will be "another time and another place, but you're going to pay." Christian is then ambushed by Drew McIntyre, who he is due to face next. Alberto empties a bottle of champagne over The Instant Classic.

• 
  
  During the break, Drew throws Christian into the steel ringsteps. The Canadian goes ahead with the match nonetheless. In the most impressive bit of the bout, Christian jumped off the middle turnbuckle towards Drew, but the Sinister Scotsman reversed it into a tilt-the-whirl backbreaker. At around the four minute mark, Drew reversed the Killswitch into a gutbuster, yet Christian gained the win with a roll-up -- without hitting the ringpost once!

• 
  
  This is followed by Michelle McCool versus Kelly Kelly. Matt Striker and Todd Grisham are joined by Layla, who is very hyper on commentary. She's excited about the possibility of becoming Unified Divas/Womens Champion apparently. McCool wins with the Faithbreaker (or AJ Styles' finishing move, the Styles Clash) after just over two minutes.

• 
  
  After the break, we see Hornswoggle in Teddy Long's office with a psychiatrist. The leprechaun has electrodes placed on his temples. According to the psychiatrist, this is the last solution to get him to speak. Unsurprisingly, Hornswoggle rejects the electro-shock therapy, instead sticking a electrode on the doctor's forehead. Teddy and Hornswoggle scuttle away, while smoke rise from beneath the doc. This angle is stupid and isn't going anywhere. Remind me not to acknowledge it next time. . .

• 
  
  Following the ad break, Chris Masters is in the ring. Vickie Guerrero introduces Dolph Ziggler. I had seen these have a decent match before on Superstars, so I expected this to be at least a competent outing for the both of them. Dolph hit a nice neckbreaker on Masters on the ropes at one point. For the finish, Masters went for the Masterlock, but it was reversed very nicely when Dolph leaped up onto the corner and landed backwards. He then won with the Zig-Zag in just under three minutes.

• 
  
  Big Show then comes out for his 2-on-1 handicap tag match with CM Punk and Luke Gallows from the Straight Edge Society, who are joined by the injured Joey Mercury at ringside. Still no explanation on-screen for Serena's release from the company, and I somehow doubt we will ever get one. The match proceeds a bit like a game of cat and mouse, with the SES trying to avoid Show at all costs. With`a good bit of the action moving outside the ring, Gallows was able to knock down the 400-pound giant with one blow to the back of the head. In the finishing sequence, Punk is knocked off the apron, Show does a reverse electric chair on Gallows and gets the win via submission after slapping on a rear-naked choke. Punk, is seething at this point, loses his cool and gives Gallows a GTS. He leaves the ring in anger and falls to his knees at the stage. It looks as if the SES's days are numbered. . .

• 
  
  Next we have the VIP Lounge with special guest host Jack Swagger, who won the right to host it after defeating MVP a week earlier in the Jack Swagger Sr Invitational. Swagger's guest is his father, who is sitting in a wheelchair in the ring with a neck brace on (showing the effects of Kane's Tombstone Piledriver several weeks earlier presumably). He says he is proud of his son, despite being left to be hit with the aforementioned move on a previous episode of Smackdown. Jack does some push-ups for his dad, who counts two for every one at some point after ten push-ups. MVP interrupts and says that it is still his VIP Lounge and that there are "renovations" to be done. He subsequently starts throwing trophies and furniture around. MVP then goes for Swagger, who uses his dad as a human shield. Jack pretty much hurls his father out of the chair towards MVP and runs out f the ring. Jack Swagger Sr is then left to Porter, who lands the ballin' elbow drop on him. What jerks.

• 
  
  Matt Hardy comes out next and looks as if he can barely walk. Cody Rhodes enters with a mic and insults Matt about his appearance. He says that "my Grooming Tips are for people like... you fatty!" and points to a group of kids in the front row, probably not realising who he was about to point at. He resumes insulting Hardy and shows him the mirror on the back of his jacket. He says he sees "Matt Hardy Version.. done!" This whole spot lasts about three minutes. There was probably no need for it to go on that long. When the match finally does start, it lasts about five minutes. Cody gains the pinfall after Hardy hurts his leg and pounces with Crossroads (or is it CrossRhodes?).

• 
  
  In the last segment of the night, we finally get to hear Kane's "Major Announcement." Kane's entrance music and pyro come on, but is nowhere to be seen.  We hear him laughing and find that he is actually on the titantron. He talks about the "final chapter" and the "end of the Undertaker's existence." Heavy stuff. He then goes on to announce that he'll defend his World Heavyweight Title against Taker at Night Of Champions to almost no crowd reaction. He laughs menacingly and says he has "longed for (his) powers" and casket is brought ringside by druids. As the camera gets a shot of it, Undi's graphics begin to appear, but it is just a swerve as Kane emerges from within. There is even more laughing as Kane claims that Taker is now in his shadow. He talks about his brother's weakness and how his "powers" now belong to him. The Big Red Machine repeatedly says that "nothing can stop me!", but just at that moment, the Phenom's music hits. Taker enters the ring and makes a move for Kane, but the lights go out and he has disappeared once they come back on. Upon opening the casket, Taker finds that it is empty. We are once again greeted to the sight of Kane on the tron. He says that they are known as "the Brothers Of Destruction, but after Night Of Champions you will be the brother that I destroyed." The show closes with Kane's pyro and music.

All in all, not a bad Smackdown. I didn't think there was a single bad match on the card and, even though they are trying to stretch out the Taker-Kane feud each week with segments that can feel a bit forced at times, it was a pretty solid episode. Definitely a world away from this week's Monday Night Raw.